Standards

I'm not the nicest guy in the world. Some people would even call me a jerk. These opinions of me would probably be a result of how honest I am. Now, I'm not honest to be mean or spiteful. I choose to be honest because I don't buy into the idea of feighning satisfaction. What's the point in that?

I have high standards of things. Sometimes this is good, other times, not so good. I also have multiple standards for things:

1. The ideal. If I had my way, and I had the talent or the resources, this is the way things would be or turn out. My thoughts and ideas would go straight from my head and become reality. Of course, this can never happen because I am not God. This doesn't mean that I can't strive for the ideal.
2. Secular standard. This is what is considered "success" by the world. Often times, gauged by extravagence or excess. Think, the Donald.
3. My standard. This is to the maximum of my abilities or, at least, what I observe to be my maximum. Whenever I do something, I strive to challenge myself and do one better the next time.
   
   In the early phases of development, this is easy. I find that I grow in leaps and bounds. But the improvement is asyntotic to my abilities (if that makes any sense). Eventually, it maxes out and I can't improve anymore without external guidance.
4. My standard for others. This standard is basically derived from what I consider to be average or mediocre. Being average isn't bad, it's just being like everyone else. It's average because most people are pretty much the same.

Many times, I will be admonished for my judgements. Now, I don't understand why that is. It's not like I'm making these criticisms arbitrarily. And it's not like I'm not backing up my opinions with something that is true. The interpretation of what is being discussed is generally pretty subjective and relative. That's why the multiple scaling system.

I hold myself to an extremely high standard because I seek to constantly improve my skills and myself. I look for other people to give me criticisms and feedback on the same level as I do, but I find that most people are more concerned about hurting one's feelings than to express how they really feel. Too many people talk behind other peoples backs. I don't want to do that. My opinions are my own. If I can't say it to your face, then I won't say it to other people either. Sometimes these comments are hurtful, sometimes they're not but they're interpretted that way.

But if your esteem is so low that you get your affirmation or worth based on the approval of something you've done, there is something wrong with you.

Sometimes my honesty is hurtful. Not everyone is as detached from their work as I am. I understand that. And if my words that I did not intend to be hurtful end up being so, I will apologize readily. But I will not apologize for my criticisms or my honesty. Nor will I take them back (unless they were wrong).

People need to learn to deal with criticism, especially if it is constructive. Stuff like, "it was good" or "it sucked" don't help unless they explain why. I'm not saying that I should be the teacher, but I'm not going to feed their ego either.