The Accord

went to sleep around 6am est this morning. woke up around 8:45am est to go get the accord. the directions i got online weren't very good which threw me off. it didn't help that during the whole car ride, my mom was trying to direct my life, instead of letting my live and make my own decisions.

she kept on saying that i should relocate or move or something. i had considered all that, but i had committed to serving in yg and in drama. i can't just pack up and leave, not even for a career. yes, a career is important, but this is people's lives and ministry.

she talked as if i didn't know anything and that i couldn't make decisions. i make decisions all the time, i just don't tell her about it. it was just really frustrating, because she would just keep pounding away at the subject over and over again. this was piled on top of the poor directions and her pointing and saying which way i should go. i had to make so many u-turns today. i was never actually lost, but i did make some wrong turns on my part. she wanted to adhere so closely to the directions and her constant screaching when i wouldn't follow them freaked her out. it was todd all over again.

my mom's desire for structure and order, for things the way they "should be" is really unsettling. instead of changing and shifting w/ circumstances, she acts like you have ultimate control and decision over matters. she constantly goes over what i should have done and supposed mistakes i had made. instead of thinking about the future and where to go and how to get there from here, she constantly thinks about the past and how things would be different now if things were different then. of course things would be different, but that's not how things turned out. i believe that God has a purpose and plan for all the mistakes and accomplishments that we make. he has the power over all the earth and all our destiny that he can make our greatest accomplishments into failures and our mistakes into glory. who are we to say what should and shouldn't have happened? and i know that the future is in god's hand. i just need to take my part in it as well.