W3Y'st'd Days

Sunday, April 25, 2004

group therapy

Todd wanted to have a time of testimonies at the end of the Arts Retreat. At first, I thought it would be a good idea, so I didn't really object too much. But this was several weeks ago. When the testimony time started, I realized how big of a mistake it was.

The problem is, the kids don't understand what the time is meant for. Whenever the youth have any sort of sharing, they feel that it's necessary to share their most deep and intimate secrets. Almost like it was a time of confession and bearing of the soul. But the testimony time isn't meant to be group therapy. A lot of these kids share things that they wouldn't even share in their small groups, yet, they share it i front of this larger audience.

In many ways, it's almost voyeuristic and borders on entertainment. I know it's not, but the environment isn't designed for kids, or anyone, to come out and bare their emotional baggage.

First off, there is no proper follow up or support for them once they have shared what's on their heart. People aren't given the proper support that they need. They need to be talked to, to be assured, to be edifyied, and to be encouraged. As it is, people clap, and life continues as normal. Where's the love? Where's the caring? In such an environment, it can't exist. It's artificially intimate and is counter-productive.

Second, it doesn't teach the kids what it means to really share on an individual level. Instead of sharing with their small group leaders or other sponsors, giving them their trust, they turn to this large group setting to find absoluscense. They turn to the large group for comfort and understanding. Invariably, they will not find any of that. They will be answered with silence, with claps, with furtive looks and glances.

Our kids need a lot of healing. But so many of them have picked up this guise of who they ought to be. So instead of being who they really are, they pretend to be a Christian. They pretend that everything is alright. But when they're at home, when they're away from everything else, they feel utterly alone and insignificant.

This isn't meant to be a criticism on the youth group. But more a criticism on us, as leaders and our failure to address these issues. We should have recognized that the testimonial time would just become a time of "group therapy". We should be attune to the members of our teams and recognize when they are going through hardships or when they are struggling with different things in their lives. And we should talk to them and try to reach out to them.

Our failure is the real travesity of all this.

Sometimes, we just get so caught up with everything else, we forget how to be there for the kids. I know personally, I have so little time. The small amount of time that I do have, I squander and waste, when I should be using it to build up relationships with my small group or with Soul Purpose. Only by God's strength. Only by God's grace.