Backup Girls

Travis and Phil are two store clerks working at a local drug store. The whole time, Travis is working on a crossword puzzle. Phil is currently dating Grace but in the past few days has met this other girl named Maria who has really begun to tickle his fancy. Phil talks about how Grace is great, but at the same time talking about how Maria is great too. Phil eventually decides to secretly go out with Maria while he’s still with Grace. The whole time, the two guys check out some of the girls in the store.

Travis is sitting at a counter. Travis is working on a crossword puzzle, but he’s not very good at it. Phil walks in to the store and sits down at the counter with Travis.

PHIL
Morning, Travis.

TRAVIS
You’re late.

PHIL
I know, but I have a good excuse.

TRAVIS
This better be good.

PHIL
Well, I met this girl--

TRAVIS
Alright, stop right there. I don’t want to hear about it.

Her name is--

TRAVIS
Maht.

PHIL
Fine. Has it been busy?

TRAVIS
Nah... what’s a six letter word for dog...

PHIL
Canine.

TRAVIS
Canine? Nine isn’t a letter.

PHIL
That’s not how you spell canine, you idiot! C-A-N-I-N-E. Canine.

TRAVIS
You sure?

PHIL
Yes.

TRAVIS
Alright, I’ll try it.

Girl #1 walks into the store, smiles curtly at the boys working at the counter and proceeds to some shelves look for something.

PHIL
Yo yo, check out that girl.

TRAVIS
Huh? Meh.

PHIL
What you talking about! She’s bangin’!

TRAVIS
Five.

PHIL
No way, she’s at least a seven.

TRAVIS
Dude, don’t you already have a girlfriend?

PHIL
Yea. That don’t mean I can’t... peruse, right? I mean, I need to have some backups... just in case.

TRAVIS
You’re hopeless. Hmmm... three letter word for happy...

PHIL
Oh, did I tell you?

TRAVIS
You tried, but I guess there’s no stopping you... glad? no.

PHIL
I met this new girl!

TRAVIS
How’d I guess. You already have Grace!

PHIL
Yah, but Maria is different.

TRAVIS
I suppose I can’t stop you from talking about her can I?

PHIL
Oh man, this girl is so perfect. We have so much to talk about. We were up ‘till four last night, just talking; we talked about everything.

TRAVIS
That’s what you said about Grace when you first met her, that she was perfect.

PHIL
Yea, but this is different. Maria has long hair.

TRAVIS
Oh my god, you are so shallow... glee? no.

PHIL
So we were talking, and guess what... c’mon, guess.

TRAVIS
What?

PHIL
Her birthday is on February 10th, mine is on the 10th too!

TRAVIS
Of September! That’s like six months apart!

PHIL
It’s a sign, we’re meant for each other.

Girl #2 walks in, smiles curtly to the boys and goes to the shelves to browse.

PHIL
Oh, check it out!

TRAVIS
... gas? no. Hmmm...? Six.

As Travis says his answer, Girl #2 accidentally knocks something off the shelf and bends over to pick it up.

TRAVIS
Seven... eight...

PHIL
Yea... anyway, I want to see Maria again.

TRAVIS
Where are you meeting these girls? And what is a three letter word for happy?

PHIL
Well, I met Grace at church. They got some pretty hot girls there.

TRAVIS
Church is a place of worship! How can you do that?

PHIL
It’s easy, whenever they ask a question, you just say Jesus. It’s the biggest sham. They think you’re all smart and everything. And since they’re all Christian, they have to be nice to you.

TRAVIS
Oh my god, that’s terrible. So what about Maria?

PHIL
Oh, I met her online.

TRAVIS
What!?

PHIL
Yea, she sent me her pic and everything. I think she really likes me.

TRAVIS
And where is Maria from?

PHIL
Texas.

TRAVIS
Texas! That’s like two thousand miles away!

PHIL
It’s okay, we can both go to the same school, then we’ll be able to meet each other.

TRAVIS
Dude, we’re only sophomores!

PHIL
I have a good feeling about this one.

TRAVIS
Fine fine, whatever floats your fancy... gat? no.

PHIL
You think I should tell Grace?

TRAVIS
Uhm, nah, I don’t think she’ll really care.

PHIL
So you think I can date both of them at the same time?

TRAVIS
Well, I wouldn’t exactly call it "dating". Are you sure Maria is even a girl?

PHIL
Hey, she sent me her pic, she’s definitely a girl.

TRAVIS
You know, it could just be a guy pretending.

PHIL
No!

TRAVIS
Yup.

PHIL
That’s so mean! No, no. Why would anyone do that? No, she’s definitely a girl. She has to be, ‘cause when I asked her her sex, she said f. F means female. Female means girl.

TRAVIS
Alright, you know what?

PHIL
What?

TRAVIS
I think you should tell Grace. And I think you should mention where you met her too.

PHIL
Really?

TRAVIS
Yup.

PHIL
Awesome!

TRAVIS
Ugh!

PHIL
What’s wrong?

TRAVIS
What’s a three letter word for happy!

PHIL
Gay.